so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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