i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
