I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
