Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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