There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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