I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize