My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
