I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
