her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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