Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
