fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
