Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
