could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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