Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
