By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
