So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
