does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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