maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
