Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize