Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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