i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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