paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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