I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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