then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
