I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
