Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
