Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
