you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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