I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Congratulations! We have a period
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