You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize