i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
