she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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