He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
