I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
