This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
