I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
