The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
