i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
