is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize