oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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