Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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