Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
