glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
