i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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