i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
