im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
