just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
