and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
