She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
