i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
