I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
