Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
