So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
