Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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