Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
