i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize