There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
