my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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