i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize