So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
