So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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