We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
