I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
