I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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