wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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