That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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