Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
