u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my being single is dangerous.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
