I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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