I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
