Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
