i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
