i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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