I should be sponsored by Trojan
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
