it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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