Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
