Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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