He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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