FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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