Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
