he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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