I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
