Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
