I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
