I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We left the knife in your bed.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
