I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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