What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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