I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
